ALL MY SONGS SOUND LIKE COUNTRY

V. Did you ever feel like this life's a dream?
That things never turn out to be how they seem
And you're sleep-walking your way
Through each and every day- alone.

V. Nobody seems to see the tears that you cry
And no one ever stops to ask you why
You seem so sad
Are things really that bad with you?

V. People passing by look like they're OK
Wish I could be like them -how'd I lose my way?
Though as hard as I try
To be brave I am crying again.

Ch. I need to find a place, a place that I can call my own
I really wish that I could, wish that I could find my way home.
Ye-ah find my way home
I wish that I could find my, really wish I'd find my way home.

V. All the sad songs I hear seem to say how I feel
I'm living in a daze and everything's just so unreal
I think that all the sadness
Is driving me to madness again.

V. I don't think that this pain is ever going to pass
Though my mind is so heavy, life just moves on so fast
How do I keep my head
When I can't get out of bed each day?

Ch. ...

CHOOSING MY CONFUSIONS

V. There's nothing I can do to make things better
Nothing I can say to make it right
I think it's what I chose- did I have a choice there?
Today is grey I gotta hope tomorrow's bright.

V. I've got a sinking feeling growing with each second
The world around me slowly fades to black
I wish I could just sink right to the bottom
& then there's no way in hell I'm coming back.

Ch. I get older day by day but each day's the same one
I get numberbit by bit but the pain is real.
Somehow I gotta choose, I'm at a cross-roads
I just pray that someday I'll learn not to feel.

V. Each time the telephone rings, my heart beats faster
But I'm OK if I just block out that sound
Then one day the postman rings the doorbell
And my defences once again come crashing down.

Ch. ...

COLOURS

He walked through the city.
Walked down its byelanes
It was a deep soul drain
And it was all grey.

He went to a tavern
And asked for some liquor
It just made him sicker
His face turned quite grey.

He stumbled out downtown
To look for a rest place
And then he saw her face
Her eyes shone bright grey.

The child smiled up at him
Her smile- a sweet pink one.
And the grass that she played on
Was green and not grey.

She gave him a blue stone
That he put in his pocket
It matched the one in his locket
Near his heart turning grey.

Then he walked on in search of
The next of his colours
Till he could find all the others
All his colours BUT grey.

SWEET SILENCE

Two white flowers
Too much beauty
In one snapshot
History captured

Painted pictures
Pain to lessen
The harder the blow
The softer the fall

Singing sweetly
Sinking deeper
Mouth wide open
The chasm smiles

Waving children
Waiting patient
They'll become
What we are now

Soul is thirsting
So long after
Was it worth it
Ever to feel?

Drowning gently
Drowsy, happy
The end has come
And peace at last.

PISS OFF!

Still in the same fucking room, waiting for my turn
People coming in after me- leaving before.
Eveyone that passes, I can feel his gaze burn.
I tell them Screw you! and I just stare at the floor.

It's just a matter of time before the shit hits the fan
For once in my life, I should get off that fucking fence.
Stop being such a shmuck- it's time to take a stand.
Though my fuckin thoughts maybe worth two cents.

They think I'm angry.. Try fuckin Furious
I say, Fuckin Awesome! What powers of deduction!
They look at me like I'm contagious
They should piss off before I give them an infection.

Slime to the left of me- Scum on my right.
Each one's an arsehole bigger than the first.
I would smoke all this shit if I only had a light
If I have to talk to one more prick- I'm gonna fuckin burst.

EASY STREET

Caught up in a web of lies,
In a world full of deceit.
Mistrust rampant, Truth, it dies
Every minute on Easy Street.

Oh, Easy Street- the covetted part,
Of a town of hate and greed.
People there donate their hearts
To live their lives high on speed.

They offer you a magic pill,
And say it gives you wings to fly
You've sold your soul, it's all downhill.
You have no tears though you want to cry.

Living in the mass decay
The stench of society as it rots.
Where every night, the people pay
To watch humanity be shot.

Rabid creatures roam the streets
They wave their banners, lie in wait.
For the sound of human heart beats
-Wretched souls make easy bait.

Chaos reigns on Easy Street
The odour of hypocrisy rank on the air.
I'm running fast- I'm going to meet
The next bus going out of there.

RAMONES, REMEMBER THIS?

As I walk down that road for the last time
That avenue leading to my home
I'm left suddenly, alone, adrift
Robbed of every last thing I could call mine.

I gaze one last gaze down that tree-lined way
The evening sun sets the roofs ablaze.
I turn toward Metro- Where do I go?
My heart is breaking but I cannot stay.

How can I get on that bus? The '84' I took all these years.
I know there were days when I longed to get on,
Now it takes me away from the life that I love
Please,please let me stay! I choke back the tears.

Uncle Smoke, Zhunka Bhakar, the Bus Stop, Mid Chapra, Rang Bhavan-
They sheltered me through the toughest times.
The most welcoming places in all the world.
My happiest words- "Rajesh, Ek cutting aan."

The evnings at gateway, coffees at Strand
Sunlight, S2, Gokul, Causeway.
A crazy night on the college roof,
Bomb blasts, floods, with me the whole time was the gang.

To Ramona, Abby, Naini, Insi, Aru,
(for the short time she loafed here!)
Kevin, Rahul, Andrea;
That I might lose you all is my haunting fear.

My home for three months every year- The Hall,
Closed to me forever now.
The "Homeless Section" every break
How do I leave? Please tell me how!

I know they say that life goes on
But it's not a life I want to know
The best five years I could have asked to live.
I savoured every second, but now they're gone.

NO. 7, HELL STREET

Black shadows haunt my every thought,
Wild desperation for escape,
Nightmares all my waking hours,
My eyelids held back, stuck with tape.

Flaming anguish rips my soul
In ragged shreds and burns all hope
Of ever seeing the light of day
In the deepest fathoms of the dark, I grope.

I can no longer see the fire
My eyes gouged out- I saw too much.
My brain dies with a searing pain
Burning faith- my lot is such.

The deadly barbs drip with my life
I know that if I do return,
To the place from where I came,
I must leave my soul down here to burn.

HELP

What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What doI do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?What do I do?

RUNNING ON EMPTY

Walking along the highway,there's no one in sight
The woods are thick and dark on either side of me.
I'm walking and there's no traffic, not even one car or truck.
Slowly, the sense of desperation is growing,
A strange sort of fear, makes it harder to breathe,
A choking tightness in my chest.
I've already walked for miles, and I haven't met a soul.
I can see the glow of windows in the distance.
People in their homes, safe, warm, happy.
They don't know I'm passing by, lost.
If only I can get a little closer,
I might be able to look in for a second,
For that one fleeting moment I'll almost feel the warmth.
Then I'll turn slowly, though my feet are now beginning to drag,
Make my way back to the highway,
Back to the my long, blind journey,
The destination- I don't know,
Pull my jacket a little closer,
Pull the hood down over my face,
At least, I'll be safe inside my jacket,
Under my hood, alone with myself.

FOR MY GRAMMAR

I always called you "grammar"
And I loved to see your smile
When I'd stop by after college
To have a biscuit and chat awhile.

All you wanted was our happiness
You'd tell me I was a "lovely girl"
And you didn't find me impertinent
When I'd call you "Mother-of-Pearl".

You always had a treat for us
A special pudding, cake or pie
You loved everyone of my jokes
Though I know they make others cry.

Every Sunday you'd ask me
For more and more books to read
In school, you took up my Shakespeare
To keep me upto speed.

How proud you were of your Sheba
And all the tricks she knows
She was your constant shadow
Pawing gently at your toes.

I know I'm very lucky
To have had you for twenty-two years
But we miss you so much grammar
So please forgive these stupid tears.

Did Someone Say Something?

Sitting in room

Staring at computer screen

Not hot

Not cold

Not nice

Thirsty? Maybe. Not sure

Nothing to do

Not bored

Mosquito buzzing in ear

Ummm..... shoo

Test tomorrow

Not studied

Not opening book

Second mosquito

Totally screwed

Scared? Not really.. Don't think so

Dog passes

Hi dog

Breeze

No life

No future

Nothing to lose?

Think not

Cutting toenails- don't know why,

They're not long

What was that?

Not talking to me?

OK

Mumbai- 22.7 degrees C

New keychain

Old T-shirt

Old hairstyle

Old people

Sad.. Moving on

"Starting a Revolution" is typing a message

Creatively dead

Everythingly dead

Want smoke

Want smoke

Want smoke

Raj arrested

Want smoke

1:00 am

Mosquito no.3

Cough once

Cough again

Mushy brain

Loud family

"Honking doesn't make space

It makes noise"

You have no missed calls

Maybe tomorrow will be different

.....Naaah.

Signing out.

YOUR MINUTE- SOMEONE'S DAY

V. Walking down the same old street,
The old lady with the bag.
She used to walk so brisk,
With years her feet begin to drag.

V. And no one seems to have the time
To smile or stop and say hello.
And with each passing lonely day,
The pain in her eyes seems to grow.

Ch. So if you have a minute, won't you stop?
Ask her how she is today.
And as you see her face light up,
You know your minute's made her day.

V. She once was beautiful and young
With a man and kids of her own.
Her husband's dead her children- gone
And now she's learnt to be alone.

AN OFF-WHITE GIRL IN TECHNICOLOUR

These days seem crazy
I spend most of my time
Travelling up and down these mixed- up streets
I no longer see the dirt and grime.

Sometimes the lights are dimmer
But tonight they're glowing bright
All around me people are living their lives
And I can feel that something's right.

In some eyes there is a spark
Of dreams that keep them alive
And I wonder why I am so different
But I know that I'll survive.

Maybe I am just an observer
I'm rooting for neither side
I sit in the stands and say nothing
Clinging to shadows where I can hide.

They never heard the words spoken
It might have been a strange dialect
Broken heart and battered faith
No longer searching for respect.

I think I belong to the off-white times
Between technicolour and black-and-white
Where peace was still in style
And where the might was with the right.

But I'll live my life as a spectator
Quiet in the crowd
I'll write about it; record it in my heart,
And never speak out loud.

OUR DARKEST HOUR

Far from the lights, far from the sound,
Miles above the choking ground.
It screams in anguish, cries to me,
He does not see, He will not see.

Happiness long forgot, the iron fist blazes hot.
The weeping wound- when will it clot?
Turmoil reigns supreme, enthroned
Ragged souls in hearts stone-cold.

What can they seek to quench the flame?
Who will soothe the searing pain?
Fear claws at the gasping heart
Shrieking doubt rips them apart.

I'm begging end it and be done.
Then once again, we'll se the sun.
Relief streams down the scarred face
Of a lonely planet in an endless race.